kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
