The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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