im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
