it was like eating out sand paper
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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