Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
