One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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