Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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