You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My penis needs a shock collar
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
