we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
