the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize
