i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
