If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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