are you still at the devil's house?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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