If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
