I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
