Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
