So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
accomplished twins. life is a go
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
