It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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