woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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