wakey wakey hands off snakey
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
pop tarts are not kleenex
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
