she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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