I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
