I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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