Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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