it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
