problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
