So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
