I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm just crazy horny about you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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