so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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