her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
