What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
They have beer where we have blood.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
