I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
