what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
