You work out of a Hotel?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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