I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Randomize
