I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
