if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
