so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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