Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
