When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
now i know why i became what i already was.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
