Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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