Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
