you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
