Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
