somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
