no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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