I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
