Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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