it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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