Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
