these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
