I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
