i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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