so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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