this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
