he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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