I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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