put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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