This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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