I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
