dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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